Destined Grief
by SacredJules
Summary: Bella never made it down the aisle to Edward. A tragic event altered the course of her life the night before her wedding, and now, she must work to be normal once more, and to rekindle her friendship with the person who swore to be there for her.
1. Prologue

I will never forget the day that permanently drove me from my fiancée. It lives on constant repeat in my mind, even now, a year later.

It was the night before my wedding to Edward Cullen, the only man I thought I could ever love. I was sitting with a group of women at what was supposed to have been a rather embarrassing bachelorette party, but I'd put my foot down when I discovered their plans, citing that I was nervous enough without them trying to frighten me with tales of horrible wedding nights. And I'd refused to let Alice display several pieces of "clothing" that left nothing to the imagination. Instead, we were having a marathon of chick flicks, which I was just fine with.

I glanced over at Alice, and as my eyes met hers, a wide grin spread my lips. She was still glaring at me for ruining her fun, and had been doing it since we slipped the first movie into the DVD player. We were now on the fourth. Charlie and Carlisle were entertaining Phil elsewhere, while my mother, Esme, Alice, Rosalie, and Angela kept me company at Charlie's. It was my last night in his house. What a weird thought.

Never in a million years would I have imagined the phone call that came through as I was walking into the kitchen to get a bottle of water for my nervous stomach. It began ringing just as I stepped over the threshold, and as I reached for it, I heard someone gasp sharply in the living room. I glanced back in the other room, and Alice's face was twisted in grief, her hand gripping Rosalie's wrist mercilessly.

Oh, God. Edward. I tripped over my own feet running to catch the phone, slamming into the corner of the wall painfully. I still managed to get to it, and snatched it from the cradle. "Edward? Edward, what's wrong?"

There was a long, tense pause, and then Carlisle's voice flooded my ears. "Bella…"

"Oh, God, Carlisle. Where's Edward? What's happened?"

My heart was pounding somewhere around my throat, and my body was so tense that it hurt to breathe. I was losing patience with the silence on the other end of the line.

"Edward's fine, Bella. Put your mother on the phone, please."

"Why do you want Renee? Carlisle, you're scaring me."

"It's very important that I speak to her, Bella," he said in the eternally calm voice of his.

"Okay…"

I called my mother into the kitchen, and held the phone up for her to take with a quizzical expression. I was so confused, until she spoke into it. I could only hear one side of the conversation, but it was more than enough.

"Hello?"…

"Yes, Carlisle. What's wrong?"…

I watched her hand grip the phone so tightly her knuckles turned white, and she glanced at me with wild, panicked eyes.

"…Is he okay? Please tell me he's okay."…

There was such a long pause, and I didn't figure out until later that my mother had just frozen up, her mind locking down completely.

She dropped the phone and her knees crumpled to the floor. Esme and Rosalie rushed in, scooping my mother up, and leading her back out to the couch to sit down. I couldn't be sure what they had heard coming from the line with their sensitive hearing.

Alice walked into the room only after my mother had been led out of it, her eyes dark and sad.

"What's going on, Alice?" I asked as I reached to retrieve the phone that was still dangling from the cord. I could hear Carlisle's voice faintly asking if everything was alright.

Alice snatched the receiver deftly from my fingers, and spoke so rapidly into it that I couldn't discern any sense from what she said. She hung up, and I just stared at her, awaiting her explanation.

The tiny girl in front of me led me to the kitchen table, and I was genuinely starting to grow frightened. As I was about to repeat my question, Alice finally spoke. "They were in a car accident, Bella. Charlie, Carlisle, and Phil. Carlisle wasn't driving. If he had been…Phil's been killed, Bella."

I will never forget the flood of grief I'd felt at those words. Phil wasn't my biological father, but he loved me, and I loved him. I cried for him, and for my mother who had lost him. I lay awake that night, with Edward's arms wrapped around me, listening to her cry herself to sleep.

I made the decision then, and I can never bring myself to regret it, because I did what was right by the mother that raised me. I couldn't marry Edward. I couldn't go along with the staged death that would be planned in preparation of him turning me. I couldn't let my mother think she had lost me and her husband, all in such a short period of time. So I broke things off with a very understanding Edward that night. The wedding was cancelled, and the wedding gifts returned.

I moved back home, to Phoenix, to help my mother. She couldn't be alone. I even enrolled in a community college, and am now in my sophomore year. I won't lie and say I don't miss Edward, but I know I did the right thing. We talk every now and again. He attends Dartmouth, adding another degree to his many.

I haven't seen or heard from Jacob since the day he found out Edward and I were engaged to be married. Charlie never mentions him, and when I ask, his only reply is that he hasn't seen Jacob, but Billy assures him that he's doing well.

And now, a full year after I left to help Renee grieve, I'm finally going home to Forks, and to Charlie. And to the best friend that I refuse to let go.


	2. Chapter One: Returning to the Music

**Chapter One  
Returning to the Music**

You never think about the small things that you miss when you're parted from something. But now as I stood in the driveway of my father's home in Forks, Washington, I was reminded of the lush, green landscape that I once called home. I inhaled deeply, breathing in the rich scent of wet earth. It was such a polar opposite from the dry, sun-baked smell of Phoenix.

_I'm home. _The thought struck me so hard that it nearly knocked the breath from my lungs. I was home, back in the small town where my life had truly begun and ended abruptly.

No, not ended. That was something the old Bella would have thought. My life was my own, and while parting from someone you love hurts, you move on, move past it, and eventually experience something that makes it all worthwhile, at least that's what I hoped. Because, honest to God, I was lonely.

"You look like you're carrying the weight of the world on your shoulders, Bells," Charlie rumbled from beside me, as he draped his arm over my shoulders and led me up the drive, with my suitcase in his other arm.

"No. Just...remembering," I murmured, my eyes rising to study the facade of the house, and vivid images flashed in my mind. Edward in the rocking chair across from my bed. Lying to Charlie as I purposely hurt him to keep him safe from James and Victoria. Jacob lingering so closely I could smell his breath in the kitchen...

I shivered as Charlie set my suitcase down to unlock and open the front door, his arm still securely around my shoulders. When he opened it, he looked inside for a moment before turning to glance down at me. "There were a lot of good memories here, huh? It's good to have you back, Bella."

He tried to maneuver both of us through the narrow doorway with his arm around me, and it made me sigh out a small laugh. Charlie was never one to show emotion, so I was a bit overcome by his exuberance of my return.

"Dad..."

"Oh. Sorry," he mumbled, swiftly dropping his arm from around me so that I could move inside. Everything was exactly the same, everything in the same place. The flat-screen brought memories of Jacob, Charlie, and Billy watching Mariners games.

I sighed as I paused at the bottom of the staircase, taking in the Swan residence. It seemed so empty right now.

Charlie had already begun up the stairs toward my old room which I would occupy once more, and paused and looked at me from over his shoulder at the sound of my sigh. "What? What's wrong?" He heaved a sigh himself, his shoulders sagging a little in defeat, as if I was going to tell him that I no longer wanted to be here and demand that he turn around and return me to the airport.

"...Nothing. Just thinking. About Jake." I moved up the stairs, and managed to squeeze past him in the narrow stairwell without falling down to injure myself. Bella 1, Clumsiness 0.

And then I ruined it by tripping on the last step, and falling painfully to my knees on the landing.

I nearly yelled at my dad when he sighed in exasperation and climbed the remaining steps to help me up. I swallowed the urge and stumbled to my feet, snatching the suitcase out of his hand and ignoring the way he narrowed his eyes at me as I opened the door to my room.

It looked exactly as I left it, and even worse...it smelled the same. It smelled like Edward, a scent that I would recognize anywhere. It made my heart ache in my throat, not necessarily for my lost companion, but for the relationship that we shared. I missed feeling close to another person whose life I enriched as much as they did mine. But my relationship with Edward thrived on my codependence, and as much as my seventeen year old self loved Edward, I was no longer that girl.

Charlie cleared his throat from the doorway, and I was shaken out of my reverie. I turned to look at him, somewhat surprised that he was doing something he never did. He was lingering, and shifting foot-to-foot uncomfortably while he did so.

"Look, Bells. I know you missed Jacob, but I need to ask you to do something. For Billy and for me."

I opened my mouth to speak, defend myself against something that was sure to be hurtful, but Charlie held up his hand to stop me.

"Let me finish. I know you want to reconnect with Jacob, but for your own sake, and his...wait. Wait for him to come to you, when he's ready. Don't force it on him. He was all broken up when you agreed to marry Edward, and I don't think that the circumstances under which you ended things made him feel any better. He knows you're home, so give it time, and let him come to you. Please, for me?"

Charlie rarely asked anything of me, and despite every fiber of my being that wanted to deny him this one request, that wanted to hop on the bike that was parked outside, one of the pair that Jacob and I had restored together, and drive down to La Push and pound on his door, I didn't. I took a long, deep breath, and then exhaled it slowly.

"...Fine."

It was all that was said before Charlie closed my door softly and left me to my thoughts.

JPOV

She was home, and being the stupid, gullible guy that I am, I was standing in the woods just beyond her back yard, and staring up at her window like a moronic, love-struck puppy.

Knowing she was up there, seeing the light of her bedroom on after being dark for so long, glowing dimly beyond the shades, made it nearly impossible to convince my feet to stay still. My heart thumped wildly in my chest, demanding that I close the distance between myself and Bella, but my head kept me firmly planted where I was.

She was home. However, despite what my traitorous heart kept trying to tell me, it didn't change anything. Bella didn't want me. She'd only ever want her vampire, that bloodsucker, even if they weren't together at the moment. Hell, she'd even agreed to become one of them!

So what if the Cullens didn't live here anymore? They'd moved away and come back before. Swooping in and stealing Bella away from me. _Again_. Stupid leeches. I couldn't live through that heartbreak again; I refused.

And so I continued fighting against the very nature of what I was. Battling the urge to fight my way to her and stand at her side, and protect her from the world that was all too often cruel and harsh. I fought the devotion that swelled within my chest as I thought of her, and the life that could have been.

I fought against myself every day since I'd made my way to Phoenix and stood outside her house, waiting for a moment where I could approach her by herself. I fought against my own heart every day since I'd first set eyes on her after she'd left, and felt that intense connection formed instantly.

Life was cruel. Destiny was malicious.

How else could my imprinting on Bella be explained?

My ears perked up as I heard Charlie discussing me, asking Bella to stay away from me. I growled at the nerve of him to try and keep my ma- No. Not that. Not my mate. Just Bella. To try and keep Bella from me.

But as I listened, I understood. He thought I needed time, but I was confused as to his use of Billy's name in the request. My dad knew what had happened in Phoenix, during the trip that Bella never knew I made. He knew I'd imprinted on her, and every day since I'd told him, the old man had been badgering me to man-up and claim what was mine.

He couldn't even imagine how hard it was to resist.

I heard Bella agree to Charlie's request, though she sounded annoyed as she did so. I couldn't figure out the exact nature of her aggravation. Was she upset because of the request, or because Charlie thought she would be so tempted to seek me out in the first place? Once upon a time, I knew Bella like the back of my own hand. She was my reason for existence, the only thing that made sense in my world of monsters, and I swore to do everything in my power to make her smile. Those days were long past, and the answer eluded me.

Having tortured myself enough for one night, I turned to leave, my paws treading lightly on the dead leaf-ridden ground. But as I began my trek back into the woods and towards home, I stopped when I heard Bella speak out to the darkness, after Charlie left her to settle back in.

"Come soon, Jake."

My skin tingled at her words, and it took every ounce of will-power I possessed not to turn around, shift into my human form, and barrel through Charlie's house to get to her. To scoop her up, claim her as mine, and then take her home and keep her there until she realized that I was the only one for her as much as she was the only one for me.

It took several deep, slow, calming breaths to get that urge under control before I was able to leave the Swan household behind, and my heart with it.


	3. Chapter Two: Hello

**A/N: Review, review, review! They keep Jacob's angst going! (And mine, too!)**

**Chapter Two  
Hello**

"I've been alone with you inside my mind  
And in my dreams I've kissed your lips a thousand times  
I sometimes see you pass outside my door  
Hello, is it me you're looking for? "

("Hello", Lionel Richie)

I was going to give Charlie a piece of my mind when I got home. He'd done this on purpose, even after asking me to stay away from Jacob. As if I wasn't tortured enough by my agreement to keep my distance, I discovered that the new job that Charlie arranged after learning of my impending return was at a grocery store – the Clearwater's grocery store, Lonesome Creek, to be exact. It was the only grocery store in La Push, smack-center in the Quileute reservation.

Charlie had to leave for work before my shift and arranged for one of my new fellow employees to pick me up in the morning, as it seemed that my bike, the one Jacob and I had restored, was disinclined to start. Opening the door, a shock coursed through me when I immediately recognized that my ride was none other than Seth Clearwater.

We'd hugged and laughed, though Seth had been oddly distant when we'd embraced. I supposed that was only to be expected after you hadn't seen someone for a year. To be honest, I wasn't exactly sure where I stood with him. Whenever I caught his eyes on me, he looked equally elated and anxious, as if he were waiting for me to do something equal parts amazing and dangerous.

After my hour-long orientation, and a re-introduction to Sue Clearwater, I'd been put right to work. My training was cut short when I revealed that I had some training in grocery store operations. Having worked at the campus grocery store in Phoenix, I was pleased that the fundamentals were basically the same.

Three hours into my work day, I was a nervous wreck. I passed the time by rotating all of the new stock onto the shelves, placing the newer items behind the older ones so the products that would expire sooner would sell first.

Every time the little bell chimed, I had to resist the urge to turn and look at the door. With every _ding ding_, my muscles grew sore as I fought them into not making my body move towards the door to make sure it wasn't Jacob coming through it.

After the fourth hour of my internal battle, Seth, who was stocking alongside me, sighed heavily and reached and plucked the boxes of macaroni and cheese out of my hands. His huge, hot hands then settled heavily atop my shoulders, and I found myself looking into a pair of friendly, concerned eyes, which I noted were considerably lighter than Jacob's.

"You're going to strain something. If you're so anxious to see him, why don't you just drive out to his shop? You've even got a great excuse with your bike out of commission."

At first, an automatic denial rested on my tongue – something along the lines of _"I'm not that desperate" _– but when he started talking about my bike and a shop, the only thing my brain could formulate as a response was: "Wha-?"

He squeezed my shoulder for a moment, as if he were frustrated, and then spoke to me slowly, enunciating as if I weren't going to understand.

"Jacob's garage here in La Push, Bella."

"Jacob has a garage?" I was instantly excited. Jacob loved fixing things, and having his own shop, where he could do what he loved and make a living was…huge.

"…You didn't know." Seth's hands dropped from my shoulders, one falling limply at his side while the other pinched the bridge of his nose. "Wow. Did you bother to check on him at all while you were away?" he asked through gritted teeth, suddenly angry.

I stumbled to my feet, made less impressive by my needing his shoulder to steady myself before I pressed my clenched fists into my hips. I glared down at him, which was more than a little ridiculous considering the fact that he was nearly as tall kneeling as I was standing up.

"Don't look at me like that," I declared boldly, one hand moving from my hip so that I could shake an enraged index finger at him. "I called Jacob every day for the first four months! Every. Single. Day. And then every _other _day for the next four months. And then _every_ week for the last six months. He never answered any of my calls – not one single call. When I asked Charlie, he always told me he never spoke to Jacob. So don't judge me for knowing _nothing_ about his life now. Anything I don't know is because Jacob didn't _want_ me to know.

"And in case no one told you, I've been dealing with my own issues this past year. My step-father died, I broke up with my fiancée the night before our wedding because I realized if I married him I'd lose everything I ever cared about, and I started school. Not to mention I've got to keep up with Alice's required email per day!" By the time I was finished with that speech, I felt winded, but I still had enough energy to continue.

Seth stood up calmly, towering over me in all of the height he had gained since becoming a werewolf. His dark eyes blazed intensely down at me, and his body was strung tight, as if his anger matched my own. "If you care so much," he said through gritted teeth, "why haven't you gone to see him since you got back? You've been home a week now."

I felt deflated, and my shoulders sagged in defeat as I looked up at him with homesick eyes. Homesick, because the longer I had been away from Jacob, the more I realized that it was him that made Washington home for me. I missed Edward and the thrill of being loved so intensely, but Jacob was my sun. Without Jacob, Phoenix may have well been Forks – overcast and gloomy.

"I can't. I promised Charlie that I wouldn't. He thinks Jacob needs time to…I don't know. I don't know what Jacob needs anymore, because he hasn't talked to me in a year."

I decided not to care that I sounded very much like a whiny, petulant child deprived of its favorite toy, which is probably how Jacob felt after everything was said and done. He'd held me together during the months that Edward had left me. As soon as the Cullens had returned, I'd run from Jacob's arms and back to Edward. Despite how he'd broken me, I returned to Edward leaving behind the one person who loved me unconditionally.

And then I'd agreed to marry him, even after professing that I loved Jacob more than I should while I was in a relationship with another man.

Seth's sigh drew my attention back to him, and our eyes met just as he shook his head and wrapped his arms around me, which made me feel shaky, but secure enough to blurt out the mother of all confessions. "There's no peace without Jake."

"Oh, Bella," he breathed, and one of his hands rose to pet the back of my head as I rested my cheek against his chest. "I wish I could tell you…"

He might have kept going had I not turned my head to look at the entrance of the grocery store when the chime of the bell indicated that someone had entered. And with that _ding ding_, my sun finally returned to my skies, and my eyes locked with a pair of narrowed black orbs focused intently on me.

Jacob tensed as soon as his eyes leveled on mine, before he shifted his gaze to Seth, who immediately leapt from my side as if I'd burned him. I wasn't coherent of his presence enough to question the reaction; my eyes were glued to Jake. He still towered above me, and the way his body was held, like a coil about to spring loose, emphasized the hard cut of his musculature beneath his worn jeans and white t-shirt. I couldn't tear my eyes away from this boy – no, this man – that I'd spent months with, and the longer I stared, the more I was certain that there was an amused glint in Jacob's eyes.

Finally, my brain kicked into gear, and I was able to speak. "Hello, Jacob."

The muscles in his jaw leapt as he clenched them painfully, and that amused light disappeared, replaced with a burning intensity focused intently at me.

"I'm uh…I'll give you guys a minute," I vaguely heard Seth murmur.

JPOV

I swear to God, Billy was going senile in his old age. I was certain of it. He'd called me at the shop three times today to insist that I head immediately to the grocery store to pick up things I was pretty sure we'd had when I'd left the house this morning.

The first call came at eight o'clock, for toothpaste that I swear was still three-quarters full when I'd used it that morning. The second call had come at nine, for fabric softener sheets that Billy very rarely used, but often bought. Each trip home – since Billy insisted that he needed those things at home right _then_ – he'd been waiting for me as if expecting something from me, something more significant than the items I'd been ordered to fetch.

It wasn't until the third trip, this one for baking soda that I'd never seen in my house, that I knew what he'd been attempting to accomplish. As soon as I opened the door to the small reservation grocery store, her scent hit me like a semi. Bella's scent was so much sweeter without the lingering stench of vampire overpowering it.

I wanted to turn tail and run back to my shop nearly as much as I wanted to plow through that grocery store to find Bella. It turned out there was no need, because my eyes locked with hers only a moment later, as she peeked out from over Seth's shoulder. He held her entirely too close and I couldn't help my reaction – I growled. Low enough that Bella probably couldn't hear it, but loud enough for my pack mate's more sensitive ears to detect.

I was only marginally happier when he pulled away from her like she'd burned him. I didn't want her burning him. I wanted her burning me…with her eyes, lips, teeth, tongue, and touch. I clenched my jaw with the effort it took to clear away the images those thoughts had hurled at me, because I didn't want to jump Bella in the middle of Lonesome Creek. My muscles clenched with the effort it took not to crowd her against the shelves she stood in front of, to not press myself against her and drop my nose into her hair, and inhale the scent that I had longed for all these months.

I was thinking all of these things, and then I realized by the look on Bella's face that she may very well be thinking along similar lines. Her lips were parted, and she was dragging heavy breaths in between them. I loved that more than I should – the thought that I made her gasp for breath. I'd make her moan prettily between those pants when I took her hair in my hands and…

The angel saved and damned herself by speaking. "Hello, Jacob."

The way she said my name as if she were unsure of my reaction made me move forward, seeking to soothe my mate. Bella should never have to worry about my reaction when I saw her. I could only ever want her, love her, need her.

Seth mumbled something that I didn't process before he began to move away. His second series of phrases was meant for only me, and said at such a low level that Bella was guaranteed not to hear. "Watch yourself, man. You look like you're going to pounce on her, and you smell like you want to."

His warning helped to clear my head a little, and I took a deep breath to get my brain back on track. I focused on Bella again, this time with my physical response more in check, allowing the head on my shoulders to do the thinking. She was looking at me with her wide, brown eyes, probably waiting for me to say something, anything. Her hair was longer, and a little tousled, and I liked it. Bella wasn't neat and careful and perfect. She was clumsy, messy, and heart-breaking.

She dropped her eyes from mine to look at her foot that she was shuffling around on the tile, and I immediately missed her gaze. This all felt surreal, having her right in front of me, able to touch and hold, and speak to.

Which reminded me: "Hey, Bella," I said, finally.

She looked up and smiled at me, and I swear to God, my wimpy heart skipped a beat. How pathetic. I was suddenly angry that she still had such an intense effect on me. Why couldn't I hate her? Why did she have to be my _everything_, when she could never be my _anything_? I loved her so much that I despised her.

I couldn't do this right now. I wanted so much to curl up inside her any way I could that I knew I needed to get out of there. So I did the only thing I could think of…I made a break for it. I moved past her to the aisle with the baking goods, namely baking soda. I think I expected her to follow me, but she didn't, and I was so distracted that it took me ten minutes to find the stupid baking soda. Like I still thought Billy sent me up here for baking soda. Or tooth paste. Or fabric softener. I was going to kill him.

I made my way up to the check-out, and waited for the cashier to arrive. It was a relatively small grocery store, and everyone did everything, so it could take a minute. I closed my eyes when I heard the dainty clearing of a throat behind me, and opened them to watch Bella slide around the counter. She didn't move to scan the small box laid on the belt. She just stood across from me, looking up at me in a way that was making my insides run hotter than usual.

"Um…I need to get going, so could you…?" I immediately regretted my words as her brow furrowed and she moved forward with a small, silent nod. I'd hurt her feelings, and while I shouldn't care – she'd murdered my heart numerous times – I couldn't let her think I didn't care at all. I wasn't a liar. Or…I didn't used to be.

As she scanned the barcode of the box of Arm & Hammer, I tried to make polite conversation. "So, how have you been, Bells?" She flinched at the use of her nickname, and I didn't like that at all. It made me look at her more closely as I tried to decide what she didn't like about it. Did she not like that it was me using it? Did she not like being called 'Bells' anymore? Hell if I knew. Hell if I knew anything about the creature in front of me anymore.

"You would know how I've been if you deigned to answer any of my calls," she murmured so quietly I was positive I hadn't heard her right. Surely Bella wouldn't say something so rude, so confrontational.

Just to make sure, I gave her a chance to repeat herself. "Excuse me?"

She looked up at me, and sure enough, her chocolate eyes were glaring daggers at me with an intensity that I hadn't realized I'd missed. "You heard me, Jacob Black. You don't have to pretend to be interested in my well-being. If you'd cared in the slightest, you'd have answered one of my hundreds of calls over the last year." She threw my baking soda into a bag and shoved it at my chest, which just made me angrier.

"I'm sorry, Miss Swan. No one bothered to tell me that I was obligated to answer calls from the girl that ripped my heart out of my chest by agreeing to marry a fucking _leech_." She flinched away from me, but I wasn't having any of that. I'd coddled this girl for far too long, and it was time she took some responsibility for the things she'd done. "I'm done playing the martyr, Bella, so if you're expecting that Jacob, you might as well run back to Phoenix."

"I didn't expect it to be the way it was, but I expected my best friend to at least check on me after my step-father died. I know you couldn't care less about me breaking things off with Edward, but I thought you'd care that I lost someone important to me."

Aw, hell. She looked up at me with watery eyes. It just wasn't _fair_ that I couldn't stand to see this girl cry. Something in my heart was screaming at me that this was all wrong. My duty was to make her happy, to make her love me, to give her babies, not to make her cry.

"I wouldn't care what you'd done; I could never let you go through that by yourself. You're my best friend, and I love you, and I'd want to be there for you, Jake. How could you not…?"

Fuck, fuck, fuck.

I wouldn't budge on this. I _couldn't_.

"You had Edward, Bella. You chose Edward to be your comfort when you chose to marry him. It was your decision. I offered you an alternative, and you…" She'd admitted that she was in love with me, but that her blood-sucker was the love of her life…and her death if she had anything to say about it.

The thought of Bella as one of them sent me over the edge. I had to go, and I did. I snatched that bag out of her hands and bolted from the Clearwaters' grocery store as fast as my legs would carry me.


	4. Chapter Three: Letters to You

**Chapter Three: Letters to You**

"_Can't you see that I wanna be there with open arms?__  
__It's empty tonight and I'm all alone.__  
__Get me through this one."_

(Finch, "_Letters to You_")

JPOV

My resolve to stay away from Bella lasted an entire week. It would have lasted a lot longer, if it weren't for my meddling packmates and a nosy vampire.

A week after our disastrous reunion in the grocery store, I woke up to find various envelopes addressed to me scattered all over – myself, my bed, and my room. I was surprised to say the least, not only because it was strange, but because someone had managed to come into my room without alerting me. It was almost alarming. My dual nature meant I usually slept like the dead. But in the months following Bella's departure, most of us had honed our senses enough to be alert for changes in our environment even when we were out cold.

I picked up the envelope closest to me, and my eyes scanned the neat, legible cursive that was so different from my rushed and sloppy scrawl. Even more curious was the fact that the simple envelope had a stamp placed neatly in the right-hand corner but wasn't post-marked, as if whoever it belonged to had meant to send it but had forgotten along the way. A quick glance around told me every other envelope was identical to the first.

Never one to resist a mystery, I slid my finger under the flap and withdrew the folded paper. As I unfolded it, glimpses of the text had me breathing heavily. Surely she hadn't…

_Dear Jacob,  
I must be going crazy. I must be, because I swear I felt you here today. It was the same sensation I always got when I knew you were just outside my window, protecting and watching over Charlie and I._

I glanced at the date it was written, and sure enough, it was the day I'd seen her in Phoenix, lingering outside of the house she and Renee shared. The day I'd imprinted on her. It lit something up inside of me, making me warm and proud, that she'd felt my presence despite my panicked departure.

_I must be going insane, because you won't even answer my calls. Why on earth would you come to see me? I wish you would. Sometimes I wish so hard that I fall asleep staring at the first star I see at night. I miss you. Even Phoenix is dark without my own personal sun.  
Love,  
Bella_

My heart felt hollow at the desperate tone of her letter. She'd written me – even if she hadn't posted any of the letters – and called me, and I'd ignored all her attempts at contact. With the feeling of guilt settling heavily in my gut, I hastily opened the next closest letter, dated over a month after the first.

_Jake,  
If you weren't you, I'd hate you and I'd never want to see you again. But I don't, and I do._

I had to read that last part twice before I understood what Bella meant.

_ My stepfather is dead, and I know you've heard about it by now, yet you haven't once tried to call me. I broke things off with Edward, and still I hear nothing. I at least expected a call to tell me you told me so. I was run off the road and totaled our truck, and I left a message on your machine about it. And still nothing._

I felt like the world's biggest ass. She'd wrecked "our" truck – and I'm not ashamed to admit that her phrasing made me happy – and left a message. To be fair, by that point, I automatically deleted her messages as soon as I heard her voice. Listening to the entirety of the message would have weakened my resolve. I would have given into her the first week of her absence, and I wasn't ready to forgive her yet.

_So all I can think is that you hate me. You must not give a damn about me anymore, because I remember a conversation we shared not too long ago where you said you'd be there and waiting for me until my heart stopped beating. Well, Jacob Black, it beats still, and yet you refuse to talk to me._

Despite that, I will make a promise to you, and I will keep up my end…

I'd told her I'd fight for her until her heart stopped beating – until she became just another of those fucking leeches – the last time I'd seen her. She'd come to my house to check up on me after one of the newborns in the army we demolished crushed most of one side of my body. I'd been broken twice that day, both physically and emotionally. I'd learned earlier that morning that Bella had agreed to marry her leech, Edward Cullen. Mere moments later, Bella admitted she loved me. Granted, I had to imply I'd let myself die defending her, but she'd admitted it, _damn it_, and she'd asked me to kiss her. She _begged_ me to kiss her.

I did.

That kiss… it still made my blood run hot (more so than usual) whenever I thought about it. It had been the first kiss we _should_ have had, rather than me taking her lips by surprise. It was hot and desperate, which was exactly how I'd been feeling at that particular moment.

But she'd loved Edward more. And I couldn't handle it. I told her I'd wait for her, but after she left to be with her mom, I was so angry that it was her stepfather's death that kept her human, and not me.

…_I will wait for you until my heart stops beating, and for as long as your heart beats, so will mine.  
Yours,  
Bells_

I sucked in a sharp breath as I read the last portion of her letter. She'd just sworn to stay human for as long as I lived, and she was waiting for me.

Thirty minutes later I was standing outside Charlie's front door, with the hair on the back of my neck standing on end as a low growl worked its way out from behind my clenched teeth. Edward Cullen's Volvo was parked in the driveway of the Swan household, and the overwhelming stench of vampire lingered in the air. He'd been here a while, because the smell was faint. I only had a moment to compose myself, before one of the leeches opened the door and the pale, pixie-like face of Alice Cullen grinned up at me.

"So he's back?" I blurted, though my voice was probably more growl than anything.

The vampire in front of me shook her head, still beaming up at me like an idiot. "No. Edward isn't here, and will not be arriving until Bella's birthday party. Did you like her letters?"

I was so focused on the dread of Edward returning to Forks for Bella's birthday in several months that it took me an embarrassingly long time to realize Alice already knew about the letters. The possibilities that ran rampant through my head made me very angry, very quickly.

I got in her face, so pissed off that I trembled with my rage. "You were on the reservation?" I demanded. "You were in my _house_?"

The leech girl's golden eyes rolling in their sockets did nothing for my temper, and when she reached out to push me away and put some distance between our bodies, I almost lost it. For the first time in my life, I came very close to hitting a woman, though I'm still not sure if any of the Cullen females count as actual _women_.

"No, silly. Your packmate, Seth Clearwater, did. At my request, of course," she added.

I flinched away from her as surely as if she'd hit me in the face. Why in the hell would Seth do the bidding of a Cullen? While Alice certainly wasn't half as bad or as useless as some of her family members, she was still a bloodsucker, and a natural enemy to my people.

"I suspect your pack is growing tired of the bickering between you and Bella. Not to mention your moping, Jacob Black," she stated, answering my unasked question. "At least, that was the impression I received when every single one of them volunteered for the task of transporting the envelopes into your bedroom. All of them…except the female." She grimaced, and I grinned as I imagined Leah's response.

Regardless, I'd be having a talk with my interfering pack in the very near future.

My hand came up to sweep my hair out of my eyes, a motion I don't even notice most of the time, but especially when I'm frustrated or a bit nervous. I looked at Alice for a good, long moment. It was uncanny that she looked _exactly_ the same as she had the last time I'd seen her, except for her clothes. And even then, I couldn't be sure. I'm a man, and I don't usually pay attention to what anyone wore, outside of Bella, who was my one exception to everything.

"So…?" she pressed, impatiently shifting her weight from foot-to-foot. The normally awkward movement was made even more strange when completed by an unnaturally graceful vampire. It just didn't have the same effect.

"So, what?"

She huffed in exasperation, blowing her sickeningly sweet vampire smell all up in my nostrils, making them burn. The scent was a too-potent mix of baby powder, apples, and flowers, and I had to fight what was no doubt going to be an undignified sneeze. Come to think of it, I don't think I'd ever heard a dignified sneeze.

"What did you think of Bella's letters? I couldn't see your reaction because of the dog, er, the werewolf in you. Bella told me you started ignoring her again so I knew you needed a glimpse into how much she missed you this last year. She wanted to send them herself, but…"

God, this leech could babble, but when she suddenly – and uncharacteristically, I guessed – trailed off and went silent. I leaned forward and it was my turn to press for information. "But…?"

"But she didn't want to inflict her presence on you if you truly hated her," she spat out so quickly I barely understood.

I hissed quietly, but I had no doubt Alice heard me. Thinking that my mate had thought, even if only for the briefest moment, that I hated her left me feeling like the lowest being on the face of the planet. When I looked back up from where I'd been staring blankly at my dirty and worn tennis shoes, Alice was looking at me with an odd mix of sympathy and curiosity that I found rather alarming. "What?" I inquired warily.

"Nothing," she replied, shaking her head. "I was just wondering how I never saw how good you were for her. If I may, wolf, I'd like to share something with you." Her voice was somewhat flat, and her amber eyes were focused on something far off in the distance, but somehow not really focused on anything.

I nodded and prayed I didn't regret it. Then I replied vocally for good measure, in case she was too lost in whatever trance she was in to notice the physical response. "Okay."

Alice's eyes refocused on mine abruptly. "Bella would have been happy with Edward." She held up a hand to stop me when I growled at her in warning. I didn't give a shit if she would have been happy with Edward, and it would take much more than Alice Cullen to make me believe such a thing. "But," she continued, "a part of her would have always been with you and she would have been unfulfilled. I cannot tell you what part you will play in her life, because I cannot see it, but she _will_ have a life, Jacob. She'll live a long, happy, and completely fulfilled existence."

My heart thudded against my chest, and my breath whooshed out of me as if I'd been punched. Bella would keep her written promise and live, and I knew I'd be a part of her life, because I simply refused not to be.

I won't lie. I grinned like an idiot, ear-to-ear. "…Thanks, Alice," I said after a long minute of basking in that news. "But…didn't you also see Bella as a vampire?"

Alice nodded slowly, and I'm almost positive I saw a look of regret pass over her features quickly, but it disappeared as suddenly as it had come. "That future disappeared as soon as Bella made up her mind to leave Edward for the sake of her mother. I can't see everything, Jacob, and none of my visions are certain. They can change as easily as someone's decision."

I nodded, but I didn't fake sympathy for Alice not having the sister she wanted in Bella, or for Edward losing his companion. It would be false, and Alice knew it. Bella wasn't meant to be in their world. Half the time, I wasn't even sure she was meant to be in mine.

I glanced over the tiny vampire's head to look into the interior of the quiet Swan household. "She's here, right? Where is she?"

"You just missed her. Seth Clearwater picked up her and her bike and took them to your garage so she could try and convince you to fix it. If I am not mistaken, it is the very same bike that you two built together during our…absence."

Though I was amused at the way Alice tried to sugarcoat the leech's utter abandonment of Bella, my eyes widened at the realization that Bella was at my garage without me. The very same garage where Leah Clearwater was employed. The same Leah Clearwater that absolutely despised Bella for three reasons:

She'd chosen a leech over a werewolf. Really, it had nothing to do with me or my feelings.

Bella left without a goodbye to any of the Quileutes. Even though it was due to sudden and tragic circumstances, it had really hurt the feelings of Emily, my dad, and Seth.

Leah knew – the whole pack did – that I'd imprinted on Bella. What everyone also knew, but didn't mention, was that I'd imprinted on Bella a week after reluctantly agreeing to go out on a date with Leah. Both of us knew it _never_ would have worked out, but still Leah blamed Bella. Leah identified Bella as the second woman to take a man from her because of our imprinting imperative.

I was running for my bike in an instant. I hoped Leah was smart enough not to lay a finger on Bella, or I wouldn't be responsible for my actions. I was also hoping she kept her trap shut about my imprinting issue. She had been ordered to, but what Leah was ordered to do, and what she actually _did_ only sometimes coincided.

As I swung my leg over the bike and started the engine, I still managed to hear Alice's clear, tinkling voice. "Please be kind to Bella, Jacob. What's done is done, and if you don't learn to forgive past mistakes, you'll never have the chance to forgive future ones."

I understood what the annoyingly cryptic vampire was trying to tell me. If I didn't forgive Bella for her past transgressions, we wouldn't have any sort of future. I understood, but it didn't mean that I was quite ready to forgive and forget. I had been a doormat for Bella Swan one too many times, and I refused to do it again, mate or not.

I nodded at Alice, and peeled out of the Swans' gravel drive.

I was back in La Push in record time, despite the fact that I'd spotted Charlie with his radar gun out along the old highway. He must have recognized my bike and decided to give me a break, and I made a note in the back of my mind to make sure and thank him later.

As soon as I pulled into the small gravel parking lot of Black's Garage, my heart dropped into my stomach when I heard the unmistakable sound of Leah's low, angry growl.

She'd shifted.

I didn't even turn my engine off or put my kickstand down. I jumped off my bike and sprinted for the door, shifting as soon as I'd managed to push it open. I didn't think twice of the relatively nice clothes that I'd just torn to smithereens.

Leah had Bella backed up against the wall on the right side of the office in front of the customer counter. Bella, despite having her back against the wall, didn't look the least bit frightened, like any sane person should be. If anything, she looked pissed off. Her slender shoulders were squared, her jaw tight, and her dark eyes were narrowed, defiant, and spitting fire. I'd never been more afraid for her, and I'd never wanted her more.

Leah's hackles were raised, and she snapped her wicked fangs dangerously close to Bella's small, delicate hands. I growled deep, smacking my larger, more powerful jaws at my packmate in warning.

_Back off, Leah. _Now_._

She ignored me, though we both knew it wasn't because she hadn't heard me. Neither of us had the luxury of pretending not to hear another packmate while we were in wolf form. The pack mind made that impossible.

_I _will _hurt you if you do not step away from my mate._

That made her eyes dart to me and she growled at me in fury.

_Afraid I'm going to harm your precious imprint, Jake?_

Bella wisely used the distraction of my presence to attempt to sidle along the wall away from Leah, but her movement drew my packmate's eyes back towards her, and she lunged. She now had Bella trapped between her massive paws, standing only on her hind legs, which still put her dangerous snout only a few inches above Bella's head.

Bella, foolish girl that she was, met Leah's eyes without fear and spoke. Her voice was so frigid and tight I barely recognized it.

"You know what your problem is, Leah? You're so set on playing the wronged, heartbroken woman that you can't see that no one pities you anymore. They've all moved on. You're not the only one that's lost someone. Get over yourself and _grow up_."

I slammed my entire body into Leah's side as she darted forward to snap her fangs at Bella, knocking her into the customer counter and away from Bella. We rolled, snapped, and grappled with each other, and I prayed Bella had enough sense to get out of the way.

Leah wasn't going to let this end quickly or easily.

BPOV

Alice had driven down from Alaska to spend the weekend with me, and while I was thrilled to see her, I couldn't hide my disappointment over the situation with Jacob. My friend had picked up on it right away, and asked what was wrong. After a few false, tearful starts, I'd explained to her what had occurred upon my and Jacob's reunion; namely his subsequent return to ignoring my existence.

She'd convinced me to follow my plan of somehow convincing Jacob to fix the bike he'd built for me. Alice was certain that having him see that I not only kept it, but still used it, would help repair some of our broken relationship. My guess as to Jake's reaction was just as good as Alice's, since she couldn't see anything where he and the werewolves were concerned.

I'd called Seth, and he'd agreed to transport me and my bike to Jake's garage in La Push.

As we rounded the corner and Black's Garage came into view, I couldn't help but grin. It was small but clean, with a plain, neat dark blue paint job on the outside. It made my heart swell.

"What on earth are you so happy about?" Seth asked, bemusement in his voice as he pulled into the gravel drive of the garage. He hopped out, came around to open my door, and then moved to the back of the truck to let down the tailgate and lift my poor bike out of the bed.

I followed him as he set it down in front of the closed garage door, maneuvering the kickstand down so that it sat upright.

"I'm just so proud of him," I answered, still beaming like an idiot.

My answer seemed to please Seth if the smirk curving his lips was any indication.

"Good."

I scoffed at his odd response and hugged him goodbye before heading inside to confront the best friend I was determined to win back. Instead, I got a view of Leah Clearwater sitting behind the counter, already scowling at me. I wondered immediately how someone like Leah had a job in customer service.

"Leech groupies aren't welcome here," she spat before the door had even closed behind me. She didn't even glance up from where she was looking, and as I approached the counter, I realized she was cleaning dirt from beneath her fingernails.

I sighed deeply, praying this conversation would be quick. "I'll be sure to tell that to the next one I meet," I replied flatly. "I need to talk to Jake."

Leah looked up at me, finally, her dark eyes narrowed as if she thought I was insane to ask to speak to the owner. "Jacob has a strict rule against speaking to selfish bitches that make a habit of breaking his heart."

I felt my face flush in anger, and my fists clenched so hard my fingernails bit into my palm. "Are you usually this obnoxious to paying customers, or am I just lucky?" I shook my head, instantly regretting the catty remark. I was above this sort of pointless bickering. "Forget it. I'll walk to Billy's and call him from there."

The idea of me walking to the Black house seemed to somehow make Leah even angrier, because she stood up so quickly that the rolling office chair fell over. "You're not _welcome_ in La Push, leech-lover, much less at _our _homes. Go crawl back to your impotent, dead boyfriend."

"You have no say in where I _can _and _can't_ go, Leah. Your mother and brother disagree with you since I work with them. And Billy has made it _very_ clear that I am welcome in his home whenever I'd like." I turned my back on her, fully prepared to leave this argument and the bitter woman instigating it behind.

"He doesn't _want_ you," she hissed.

My entire body went tight as she purposely struck that nerve. I turned around, and with a smile that felt tight on my face, I replied. "That may be true, but I'd bet money that he doesn't want _you_, either."

I heard the distinct sound of a werewolf shifting out of their human form. For someone that's never heard it, it's almost impossible to describe…like a small explosion of primal aggression. I closed my eyes for a moment, waiting for a killing blow, but it never came. A low growl made me turn around slowly, and though my instincts told me to keep my eyes on the ground, I met the gaze of the wolf in front of me. I refused to be cowed by every other-worldly monster that wanted me dead.

Leah stalked towards me, and when I didn't move, she put herself between myself and the door, and then started walking towards me, snapping her jaws menacingly. I backed away from those deadly teeth until my back hit the wall, and when I couldn't go any further, I met her glare for glare.

I'm not sure how long we stood like that, each of us refusing to back down with Leah growling occasionally in what I guessed was an attempt to frighten me. But the next thing I heard was the door opening and another explosion of werewolf. Soon Jacob was standing by the door, russet hackles raised, growling at me. Or Leah. Or both of us. It was hard to tell.

Leah seemed to ignore him which gave me the unsettling feeling that it was me that Jacob was growling at so aggressively. My heart pounded against my ribcage as I waited for something to happen. When Leah looked away from me towards Jacob, I took the opportunity to try and get closer to the customer counter where maybe I could jump over it without killing myself and giving Leah exactly what she wanted.

It didn't work. Leah's body blocked me off from not only Jacob, but also any escape I might make. Two huge paws were planted on the wall on either side of my head with her massive body in front of me. I'll freely admit I wasn't brave enough to attempt to push her off. I wanted to keep both of my hands securely attached to my wrists.

But then she had to rub it in that I was at a disadvantage by growling in my face. When her hot, wet wolf breath fanned all over my face, I lost my temper.

"You know what your problem is, Leah?" I heard myself say, though I hardly recognized the cold fury present in my voice. "You're so set on playing the wronged, heartbroken woman that you can't see that no one pities you anymore. They've all moved on. You're not the only one that's lost someone. Get over yourself and _grow up_."

I meant every word of what I said, but normally I would have either kept my mouth shut about it or, at least, try to frame it in a much nicer fashion. Unfortunately, Leah Clearwater made it impossible to play nice.

I felt her muscles tighten as she prepared to take my face off. She never got the chance. A huge force drove both of our bodies violently to the side, and though I felt Leah's claws bite deeply into my arm as she was forcibly moved away from me, I didn't waste an instant to get away from her. I was outside without even remembering opening the door.

I struggled with what to do as I heard angry yips and pained whimpers but instinctively ran. In the few moments it had taken me to decide to run to Billy's house for help, there were already three wolves running out of the woods on the other side of the street. I rushed to push open the darkly tinted glass entrance for them, intent on keeping them from causing any more damage to Jake's garage than what was already being done inside, and two of them – Sam and Paul if my memory served me correctly – rushed into the chaos. The third one, Quil, stayed behind, and as I moved away from the door, he sat in front of it.

The sounds of the fight stopped, but nothing happened for several minutes. I paced in front of the shop, my tennis shoes dragging through the gravel. I'm not sure how long it was before I realized my right arm throbbed, and when I looked down at it, I remembered why. Leah's claws had dragged across my skin, and while the cuts were shallow, they bled freely down my arm, with little red droplets dripping from my fingertips.

Quil whined, and in the next moment, Jacob – human Jacob – stepped out of the office. He wore a dark gray cover-all from the waist down with the sleeves tied around his waist, and his chest was left bare to my eyes. Though littered with shallow scratches and a bite mark marred his left shoulder, all I saw was the muscularity of his form and the smoothness of his russet skin. It took me an embarrassing amount of time to lift my eyes to his, and when I did, I almost choked on my own breath.

His expression was fierce with something that was a mix between protection and possession. His eyes were dark and focused intently on my arm, but he lifted his eyes to meet mine as a hint of a smirk formed on his lips. It was if he knew I'd been mesmerized by the sight of him.

I shivered, and he was in front of me in a heartbeat, folding his huge, hot body around mine while being mindful of my injured arm.

"I'm so sorry, honey," he whispered in my ear. The feeling of his breath against the sensitive shell of my ear raised even more goose bumps along my skin, but he either didn't care or didn't notice, "Are you alright?"

He pulled away slightly to lift my arm gently so he could examine it. His eyes swept over the three scratches that had torn through my shirt over my bicep. His fingers pressed at the edges, and I hissed. It stung, but nothing would ever compare to the feeling of James' venom racing through my veins.

Seemingly satisfied that it was indeed just a flesh wound, Jake's hands lowered to the crook of my elbow, and I gasped in surprise when he yanked at the fabric of my t-shirt and tore away my lower sleeve. He worked it down my arm and over my hand, and then tied the sleeve around the scratch, stemming the flow of blood, and making me wince in the process.

"I'm fine, Jake. Though, I'll admit," I paused and looked up at him with a rueful smile, "an angry werewolf is a bit more frightening than an angry vampire."

He stared at me so long I was afraid he thought I was an idiot, but then he chuckled deeply, a smile curving his full lips. I wasn't sure whether to close my eyes and savor the sound, or shut my ears and savor the sight. Both were wonders that I hadn't witnessed in Jake in a very long time.

I reached up and cupped his face, my thumb skimming the side of his mouth. I couldn't help it. Seeing him smile had filled me with the overwhelming desire to touch him and be closer to him. "I missed your smile."

"I missed you," he replied softly, placing his hands on my hips to pull me against him. I dropped my cheek to rest against his chest, uncaring of the sheen of sweat that lay atop his skin, and sighed when his arms closed around me.

"Me too."

I felt him looking down on me, and I glanced up, my chin tilting upward so that I could meet his eyes. They bared into me, searching for something I wasn't sure of, but whatever it was, he seemed to find it there. He inched towards me, his lips so close to mine we were sharing breath.

"Jake!"

We separated as if we'd burned each other, and Paul stood in human form in the doorway of the garage, holding the door open for the wolf forms of Sam and Leah. I thought Jacob had looked rough when he'd emerged, but it didn't compare to Leah's appearance, though I imagined her fur hid the more gruesome injuries from my eyes. The fur around her throat was matted with blood, and a deep wound ran from just above her left ear to her neck. When she looked at me, Sam growled a warning at her, and she didn't glance my direction again as Sam escorted her limping form across the street and back towards the woods, with Quil following closely behind them.

"A bloodsucker is pacing the line, but hasn't crossed it."

Jacob and I both heaved a sigh at the same time, and we looked at each other with shared knowledge.

"Alice."_  
_


End file.
